Meet Me Monday: A Little Gratitude, A Lot of Reflection, and Learning to Love the Life I Have

It has been a while since I have done a Meet Me Monday, and with November being the month of gratitude, I figured this was as good a time as any to sit down and share a little bit of what has been on my heart. I have so much to be thankful for this November. Some of it is beautiful, some of it is complicated, and some of it comes from surviving things I never imagined I would have to survive. But here I am, still standing, still writing, still raising my boys, and still finding reasons to be grateful.

First and foremost, I am thankful for my boys. Those two  are the greatest things I have ever done in my life. They are my reason for getting up every morning, my motivation to keep fighting, and the two people who have taught me more about love than I ever thought possible. I am thankful that one of my boys is having a much better school year than he has had in the past. Watching him find his footing and have some happiness has been such a gift. But in that very same breath, I am worried about my other son, who isn't having the easiest year. I sometimes feel like Lady Justice, standing there blindfolded, trying to balance the scales of motherhood, health, happiness, and everything else life throws at me. Some days I think I am doing a pretty good job, and other days I wonder how in the world I am keeping it all together.

I am incredibly thankful for my eyesight. Now, that might sound strange coming from someone who has lost nearly 90 percent of her vision, but here is the thing. It hasn't gotten any worse in almost a year. For someone who has spent years watching the world slowly disappear, stability is something I don't take for granted. It means I still have a little more time to see my boys' faces, watch them grow, and hopefully check a few more things off my bucket list. I know what my future could look like, and I have had to make peace with some very difficult realities, but right now, things are stable. And that is something worth celebrating.

I am thankful that I am alive. When I got so sick in April, died three times, and ended up in a coma, there was a very real possibility that I wasn't going to come home. That experience changed me in ways I am still trying to understand. It forced me to have conversations that no mother wants to have. I had to get my will in order, talk about who would care for my boys if something happened to me, and make decisions about a future I desperately want to be part of. Those conversations were heartbreaking, but they were necessary. I am thankful that I was given more time. More birthdays, more holidays, more arguments about homework, more laughter, and more ordinary Tuesday nights with my boys. Because when you come that close to not being here anymore, the ordinary things become extraordinary.

I am thankful for the handful of close friends and the small circle of family who have truly invested in my boys and me. I have learned that having a large circle doesn't mean you have a strong one. Sometimes the people who show up quietly, consistently, and without needing recognition are the ones who matter the most. I don't need a hundred people in my corner. I just need the ones who genuinely love us, and I am so thankful for those people. 

One of the greatest gifts of this year was getting to travel to Virginia and Washington, D.C., to spend time with my soulmate and her family. That trip was so much more than a vacation. She took me on a road trip through several states, showing me places I had never seen and giving me memories that I will carry for the rest of my life. We laughed, explored, talked, and just enjoyed being together. I didn't realize how badly I needed that trip until I was there. Something about being on the road, surrounded by someone who knows my heart, helped heal a little piece of me that I didn't even realize was hurting. There are moments from that trip that I know will become core memories, and I will forever be thankful for them.

I am thankful for the home I grew up in, the same home my boys have known their entire lives. We have moved around, lived in different places, and had different chapters of our lives unfold elsewhere, but my parents kept this home. I sometimes wonder if, without even realizing it, they knew that this house would always be our due north. The place we could come back to when life got complicated. The place where generations of memories live in the walls. It is safe, warm, familiar, and filled with love. It is home in every possible meaning of the word, and I don't think I will ever be able to fully explain how much that means to me.

I am thankful for the incredible women who have opened their businesses, their stories, and sometimes their hearts to me over this past year. Being able to write about women who are building something, taking chances, and making a difference in their communities has been one of the greatest joys of my writing career. I am thankful that my blog and social media platforms are growing, even if I sometimes wish they were growing a little faster. I have had moments of frustration and even moments when I wondered if I should keep doing this. But I love what I do. I love telling stories, connecting people, and shining a light on women who deserve to be celebrated. I am learning that growth doesn't always happen on the timeline we want, but that doesn't mean it isn't happening.

And here is something I never thought I would say. I am thankful that I am single. Not just single, but so incredibly single that the thought of dating actually gives me a giant knot in my stomach. And for the first time in my entire life, I am actually listening to that feeling instead of trying to convince myself otherwise. I am not ready, and that is perfectly okay. I have spent years in therapy, doing the hard work of understanding myself, recognizing patterns, setting boundaries, and learning what I deserve. I take that work seriously, and I am finally at a place where I don't feel like I need another person to complete my life. 

I love my quiet. I love being able to watch whatever I want on television, write whenever inspiration hits, or stay up until 2:00 in the morning watching TikTok videos. I love being able to read a book on my iPad with the light on without worrying that someone is going to get angry or annoyed. I love that I don't have to ask permission to travel across the country or the world. I don't have to explain why I want to do something, justify my decisions, or entertain someone else's opinions about how I raise my boys. I have three people I am responsible for worrying about, my two boys and myself. Beyond that, we get to live our lives on our own terms. There is an incredible amount of peace in that freedom, and I am not willing to give it up just because society seems to think everyone needs to be in a relationship.

I am also thankful that I am finally learning to care a little less about what people think of me. Now, don't get me wrong, it still bothers me sometimes. I am human. I have feelings, and I don't particularly enjoy knowing people are talking about me. But I have come to realize that what people choose to say about me often says far more about them than it does about me. I cannot control someone else's assumptions, insecurities, or stories they decide to tell.

I am thankful that I still miss my grandparents. I know that probably sounds like a strange thing to be grateful for, but the older I get, the more I realize that grief is simply love that has nowhere physical to go. I miss their voices, their hugs, their stories, and the comfort of knowing they were there. There are so many times I wish I could pick up the phone or walk through the door and see them again. But the fact that I still miss them so deeply reminds me how incredibly lucky I was to have been loved by them. They gave me a foundation of family, traditions, and memories that I am now trying to pass along to my own boys. That kind of love doesn't disappear when someone dies. It stays with you, and I am thankful for every bit of it.

And I cannot forget my sweet Molly. That little puppy reminds me every single day what unconditional love feels like. There is something so special about the love of an animal. They don't care what you look like, how much money you make, what people say about you, or whether you had a productive day. They just love you. On some of my hardest days, that sweet little face and the comfort of having her beside me have meant more than I can put into words.

I think the biggest thing I am learning as I get older is that gratitude doesn't mean everything in your life is perfect. You can be thankful and still be scared. You can be happy and still be grieving. You can love your life and still wish certain things were different. You can be proud of how far you have come and still have days when you feel like you are barely holding it together. All of those things can exist at the same time.

This year has reminded me just how fragile life really is. I have had to face my own mortality, accept changes in my health, watch my boys navigate some difficult things, and learn to let go of people, expectations, and versions of myself that no longer fit the life I am trying to build. But I have also traveled, laughed until my stomach hurt, made memories, written stories I am proud of, found comfort in old friendships, and discovered a kind of peace within myself that I spent years searching for. 

So, for this Meet Me Monday, I guess what I really want to say is that I am thankful for the life I have, even with all its imperfections. I am thankful for the time I have been given, the people who genuinely love us, the memories I have made, and the ones I still hope are ahead of me.

I don't know exactly what the next year will bring. None of us do. But I do know that I want to spend whatever time I have left living, not just surviving. I want to see more places, write more stories, laugh with my friends, watch my boys become the incredible men I know they are going to be, and keep finding joy in the little things.

And maybe, just maybe, I am finally learning that the life I have worked so hard to build doesn't have to look like anyone else's version of happiness.

It just has to feel like mine.

And right now, despite everything, it really does.

Happy Meet Me Monday, everyone. I would love to know what you are thankful for this year. Not just the big, obvious things, but the little things that have made your life feel a little more beautiful.

**Images from google**